9-12-08

It started with a few drinks early this night or yesterday night, going to bed with jesting in the air.
How good the night started. But later that night my love would become hate for a moment, but conflicting is this emotion right now. As I am startled awake for some reason I lay in bed trying to figure out why. Then I hear it as clear as if the person was talking right next to me. My dads voice yelling at my mom. So as I lay I hear accuses flying from what to be my dads voice, growing in passion in what he is yelling, then falling. Mom tries to calm him down but as I can tell brakes in sobs he is not calming down at all. As I try to not listen, anything to not hear what I am hearing, covering my ears and counting, anything. A decrescendo catches my ear, uncovering an ear I listen, I think I hear my brothers also in the room next to mine but unsure. But really catches my attention is the word divorce catching my ear, disbelief as they banter about it, dad can not believe that it is brought into the argument, for that is what it is. "God Woman" is caught being said. Dad wants to then know if she wants one and why, bringing up the topic that he is gone all the time and he does not own anything at are new house that we recently bought last year. As all these topics start running I open one ear each time I think they are done and one of them may be off somewhere, bed maybe. Then the next disbelieve topic is mom having an affair, which I should have seen that one coming.
But I knew how much time works and what she has to do to keep us feed and clothed, plus now that school has started we have to think about that to. Mom goes to work about the time my brothers and I get up for school, then when we come from school we automatically go the computers so nothing is really clean unless we want someone over or dad is coming home. But mom comes home around two hours after we get home then gets time to redress and get ready for her night job that she works late into the night and has to be ready to restart the process the next day. And weekends she tries to can food or clean the house. So I love my dad very, very much, but as each time his voice raises my love and respect goes down each time, what scares me the most is if I did what my mom did, or something like it would be me being yelled at. And all over a miss place title to a truck we want someone to haul off!! The little things count is what I have heard many times, but you also must know when the little things aren’t worth it (arguing about). As I am still typing I can hear them now and again not as loud but that could be the music covering it up, but not as loud as when I was rudely woken. But knowing it is still going on and what did happen I know that my sleep will be far away what is left of to night. I can feel my fear to sleep, the unknown could happen anywhere in a presents of an argument. To friends that may read this keep your words closed. And thoughts never drop a clue to your knowledge!! Even if parents argue and this one is years overdo I still wish taht I did not have to witness (listen to ) it.